April 25, 2002
Did you ever wish you could stop all the craziness you have been living year after year after year and settle down to being a regular and normal person?
For Instance, I love happening to go out on a Sunday morning slogging though empty streets to gather toxins for that day's escapade and be there just in time to see the regular folk spilling out from thir church and standing around in their Cleaver uniforms socializing. Its always such a major culture shock to be reminded that people still do that sort of thing...and in earnest yet!
But the best part is that the jarring of the consciousness it gives you offers you the opportunity to choose between feeling like a transcendent being, saddened by the spiritual poverty of people who would willingly attempt to corral creation to save their own skins rather than just accepting themselves being creative...
or, seeing such a tight knit herd of cows, content with their cud and their cut, can dredge up the funky fuckuped fears and insipid insecurities pumped in with the candied cereals and commericals for other candied stuff. You clutch your ragged little hobo bag of open ended faiths a little tighter to your chest and scurry through or around the edges of the herd hoping to avoid being spotted as a threat to the cloning programs of Jerusalem, Rome, Mecca or most anywhere in Texas or Alberta.
Ok, I don't really know much about any of those places or the majority of people in them, but I have seen each them honor their conservatism by copious and prideful blood letting. Tell you what...the useless killing stops and I will lose the cartoon criticisms and donate to the local chamber of commerce...ok, y'all?...ciao...shalom]
I usually choose the transcendent perspective because nothing makes me more invisible while navigating their bulk than to radiate an unwarranted superiority. In order to protect my brain from the spiritual ichor the proselytizing premise their dogma forces them to spew like projectile vomit, I center my attention on hummed little diddies from the past:
"...another virgin mary
another case is shut
have another helping
prime cut of baby's butt..."
Todd Rundgren, you so funny.... and dead on.
or maybe Bowie's anthem refrain
"don't believe in yourself
don't deceive with belief
knowledge comes with death's release
I mean I don't particularly think any knowledge is suddenly made available to us during the process of shutting down (except maybe the realization that you really should have foregone the Unidentified Decaying Object you found in the back of the fridge earlier). So hey, Dave, that last line sucks except for the way it pushes the melody. Its just as bullshit as the Great Salvation premise.
I loathe organized philosophies. They always decanter out as power bases and patriarchal Borg obsessed with machining a future perfection of the Universal Penis from the practice rapes on the members of their own community.
Anyway, its not nearly Sunday yet so I shouldn't get myself all worked up over
realizing how much I love being not normal. Its not like I pursue being odd and avoid being normal to define myself as a child might act out to get attention.
I am just not very subject to dogmatics and fixedness in general and I am not fearful of having the picture change in ways I didn't predict. I inherently assume I am creation creating a single view of itself. Why identify yourself with being less than that?
Hit it Sister Sibbery:
" take a look around
you see all these people on the street
but if you ask them hard enough
you will find they do not feel worthy of love...
how did this come to be?"
It came to be because western culture's common world view is based on a nasty, harsh, jealous God of judgment who ruthlessly destroys all those might refuse to use their free will to love him, no matter how many times he comes home drunk in the middle of the night to beat on the family and rage about his weaknesses he perceives in others. Eventually this is how the west came to perceive the natural and normal state of the universe; patriarchal, violent and contemptuous of its creations. These ideas of what is normal is exactly how children are indoctrinated by parents who consider themselves normal because they too were indoctrinated and the cycle thereby is refreshed with each set of clones who are no better at seeing this in themselves than fish are aware of the water they swim in.
I don't want to be normal because normal people are just little fractal maps of a hugely fucked up take on the grand design of things.
Epilogue Nov 2011: What's changed? I don't do the toxins on purpose any longer.